An addict doesn't appreciate much

No I didn't appreciate anything... I was greedy selfish and expected too much. I don't know why but when I was an addict I thought really high of myself. I don't get it!

Inspiration to quit drugs

How stress can I push the addicted ones

Yes I know, we are ALL stressed out.. stress bites! I am stressed almost everyday but then there are those days where everything just reams you over and over until you explode.  I get those days, they test my ability to stay sane. Sometimes it takes instances and screaming at someone on the phone in a crowded department store to get it out...yes that was my day yesterday but I don't need to dig into details.
I have been pushed and pulled so many times that ever fiber of my being is on the verge on shattering all over the floor. Over the years I have learned to ease myself. Oh it is not easy at all. It takes A LOT of mental training on my part. When I first started using drugs I was diagnosed with an anger disorder that took me 12 years to learn to control. It isn't perfect but it is better. I can balance my stress and anger in the workplace where it is the most difficult because you have to be friendly and focus. Not exactly fun when you have something on your mind, but hey that is life!
Before these last few years, stress was blocked by drug use. The angrier and more depressed I got, the more I took or smoked or whatever I felt like inhaling. I don't know where I would be if that was still my path.

Drowning in my addiction

It got so deep I didn't know what a normal life was, I actually pitied those who didn't use drugs because I thought THEIR life was boring and miserable. I couldn't imagine going anywhere without being high. It got so bad, whenever I went anywhere I made sure I had a loaded pipe with me, even if it was just to the grocery store, I had to be high. I had sunk to an all time low. I knew deep down it was wrong but I didn't know what to do. I was so miserable with myself and my life that I didn't want to live it sober. When I met my husband, Aron, I had ran out the door in such a rush to meet up with him that I didn't get the chance to get high first. The best part was, and I didn't honestly realize this until just now, that not for a minute I was with him, did I think about drugs. As soon as I got home though it was different. Of those few times I drove the 80 mile one way trip to go see him I wasn't anymore concerned about getting high. Sure there was a few times I had a pipe with me but I wasn't anxious to use it. After a couple weeks, it dawned on me that this was my way out. I feel like I pushed my way into his life. I was practically begging him to take me in. I needed help! It worked and I am still here with him, no longer drowning.

Influencing the addict

For some reason everyone since I started this journey I feel like I am responsible for everyone that is starting recovery. I have had others ask for help from me and I believe that is why. When someone says they are worried they are going to slip up, I get genuinely worried and try to talk to them.. I want to help however,  it is not my responsibility to make people do this, it is their own choice.

Everyday I am clean

Hatred from an addict

When I was an addict I only thought I was normal.  I hated people, I hated life, I just hated everything.  I turned myself into a mean angry person. I thought that was normal,  how people were supposed to be so when I saw someone that was just laid back and happy, I avoided them because they were different.  So weird how that works. Drugs and brains don't mix well... duh!