Gosh don't get me started on the past when it comes to holidays.. Nothing but panic, paranoia, guilt, pain, crying... And so forth. Panic because I was usually too high to plan, paranoia that someone would find me out, guilt because I spent too much money on drugs to buy people gifts, pain because of the guilt, and crying because the holiday evening always ended in a fight between my now ex husband and I.. Every year every holiday we fought.. Holidays used to be the worst time of the year.. I couldn't wait for them to go away. I was always worried about it being ruined for my kids but they always seemed to have a good time. They had no idea the struggle that went on inside me. I don't think anyone did.
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