Happy Sober New Year

The addiction blur

All the bad things that make up the human race

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Break the addiction

A little Psychology

Giving what you can

How to survive

All that matters

How do you stay sober

For whom it may concern

Losing the dependency

Life!

Life is all we have. If you spend life being miserable, how will you ever enjoy anything? Face your life with an open mind and let the world discover you, then everything will fall into place.

Whats hiding inside

I have done it.. Many times.. Still do sometimes.. Sit there and smile and pretend like nothing in the world could bother me when inside I am fuming. That's not a good thing, to bottle up emotions. Usually the outcomes are worse. I used to lash out all at once, put me in therapy trying to sort out why. I was diagnosed with a intermittent rage disorder. Not fun.. I was told to simply stop bottling up but you tell that to an angry depressed teenager and see how far that gets. It took me many years but I had to help myself. Nothings worse than going to see someone about helping you and all you get is a prescription and them saying, just stop doing that, and that's all...

Reasons....

Life is all about trial and error

Where are you?

Where are you going? Why are you going? Why are you putting on make up to go there? Why are you wearing that, you look like you're trying to get a date..What time you going to be back? Are you taking the kids? Please take the kids... 15 min after I leave... Are you done yet? Where are you? What are you doing there? Are you going to be back soon? Don't forget to get some beer..
20min after that... Are you finished? You need to get back now. You have been gone long enough? You don't need to go anywhere else, wait til I am at work to go, get home NOW.
This used to be what I dealt with daily..or anytime I needed to go anywhere at all. It wasn't worth leaving the house for most of the time. If I stayed home all day I would get told I HAD to drive 35mi down the road to deliver lunch for no apparent reason other than to check up on me.. He has his own vehicle to go to lunch..

waiter, I'll have the reality check please

Holidays

Gosh don't get me started on the past when it comes to holidays.. Nothing but panic, paranoia, guilt, pain, crying... And so forth. Panic because I was usually too high to plan, paranoia that someone would find me out, guilt because I spent too much money on drugs to buy people gifts, pain because of the guilt, and crying because the holiday evening always ended in a fight between my now ex husband and I.. Every year every holiday we fought.. Holidays used to be the worst time of the year.. I couldn't wait for them to go away. I was always worried about it being ruined for my kids but they always seemed to have a good time. They had no idea the struggle that went on inside me. I don't think anyone did.

The cost of addiction

The fear of starting over

About a week before I left my life behind, there were so many thoughts and worries. You can only imagine...

A sobering experience

Grateful for being sober

Sober it up!

Resisting temptation

The Addicted Mind

Partying all night long

A lot of people think it is cool to party every night or on the weekends they go out to clubs and parties and go crazy and basically just show their ass. They say it's being social and makes life fun but in reality it will have some very harsh consequences if you don't control yourself. I used to party all the time, stay up getting screwed up on meth. The fun would turn into horror when my ex would force me to watch porn and perform acts with him I didn't like. Yes that was my life on a weekly basis. Some people may think that is fun, I didn't..I was disgusted and felt violated because I always said no. It would be different if I enjoyed that sort of thing with him, but I didn't. Plus when the desires turned into anger and the anger turned into fighting then the fighting turned into beating.. I wouldn't say that was very fun at all.. Would you?

Over the years of addiction

When I first started using I was young and dumb and it didn't seem to phase me too much as in, I could go all night and still be functional the next day. Years later into it, it got hard. I started getting sick a lot, visiting the hospital a lot, my hair and skin were nasty, I was always depressed and angry. I had no idea how badly it affected me until after I had quit. I didn't really know what life would be like without drugs so to me, that was a normal life. How tragic!

Gratitude amoung many others

enough is enough

New T-Shirt Store

I have a new T-Shirt shop available and growing. Cheaper and better quality T's. Check it out at www.inspiredgirl.deco-apparel.com.

Just like that

There were many days I woke up and said, never again.. Of course I felt that way but my actions spoke louder when the next time, I was snorting a line of cocaine feeling stupid and guilty because I didn't want it.. Then I would start to come down and do another and another line to come back up because I hated how bad coming down felt.. Yep, that was a constant all the time feeling and ya know what? It SUCKED!

The manipulative

People have learned they can use people. It is wrong and we know it's wrong. People manipulate and blackmail to get what they want. Those people usually are very happy and take all the credit for what they get out of the deal. I see people blame and blame for their problems. Addicts that go online and blame their parents or family for their addiction so their family stays so guilty they give them anything they they want no matter what the cost. They refuse to say, I took the drug or I drank too much.. They say, I did it because my mom made me depressed or because my parents were drunks. Then their parents feel so bad, they buy them a car or pay all their bills or give them a credit card.. Those people will use the system until the day their loved ones die and then they will find a new source to leech on. The manipulative person IS an addict. They are addicted to the circumstance and they will never try to take care of themselves as long as the victim allows it..

Round and round we go

Finding the right piece

A life worth living

A life worth living

My soul in recovery

Recovery past and present

Shameful addiction

I would get angry if people came over to my house. I felt dirty and ugly on drugs. I would spend so much time staring in the mirror with a look of disgust while I flipped my hair all over trying to make myself look good.. Not too mention the constant outfit changing because nothing looked good on me. At least I thought so. I was shy and self degrading going anywhere. I was sad and lame!

Awesome quote

working out instead of doping out

I don't really like going to the gym.. I don't. Although the benefits and healthy living makes it worth it, I still don't enjoy going.. When I quit drugs I immediately started working a job that you get a hell of a workout and I lost some serious pounds fast. It felt GREAT! Then I got promoted to my own office, slower paced job and joined the gym. I would have never done any of this as an addict.. I would have continued to sit at home on my butt getting high and feeling sorry for myself all day.. Ummm no thanks!

No more getting wasted

When change means everything

The term, drug

The meaning of success

Many people get it confused with assuming they have to be rich or famous to be successful.. Not at all!

Peril of addiction

Love cleaned up my act