My Addiction Was my Security Blanket

y Addiction Was My Security Blanket



For as long as I can remember, I always thought I would be a drug addict for the rest of my life. Even though when I was 16 and took my first drag of Marijuana, I wasn’t thinking it would change my life forever. I know what you are thinking. Who are you to council anyone about the dangers of drug abuse? Well, to answer that, I was a 13 year long drug addict, in recovery and sober for the past 2 years, 10 months. Back then, I would mask my every day pain and depression with my various addictions, whatever would make me feel human that day. Meth, Cocaine, pills, Marijuana, sometimes a mixture, just to name a few. I never liked Methamphetamine, but it was my first choice. It always made me numb inside, therefore, I would suppress my better judgment and inhale, inject, smoke; whatever it took to get it inside of me.

As you can imagine, this caused more grieve than it ever did good. I became a slave to my addiction and the people that were feeding that wolf knew that; they took advantage and I was too high to get it; that or I didn’t care, more likely the second one. It was in 2006 when I came crashing to the floor, literally. I was beyond wasted and on days of no food, sleep, very little water, my body was finished and it was off to the hospital I went. Hours and hours later, being pumped full of fluids, you would imagine I would be done. NO! My addiction was my security blanket. I needed it to vanish the harsh reality of the life I hated for a fantasy world of which I would never wake from.
It wasn’t until 2011, being beaten and nearly killed by someone I loved that I realized, I wanted to be free. I looked to blogs, websites, former addicts, friends, anyone for help. It took me stepping completely away from everything I knew about life, moving to a place I never knew and wiping my slate clean that aided me in my sober life. I surrounded myself in a new world of non-users, new career where being sober was highly important for everyday function, I started a blog and reaching out to people all over the world, I alienated myself from my old life and came clean to my family about the horrors I once endured. Becoming open and honest with everyone made me feel like I was unstoppable, being sober made me feel like my life had finally began. At age 29 I finally started living and for the first time in 13 years, I realized I was absolutely fortunate to still be alive and I cherish every moment!