Why Peer Pressure Can be a Killer

A lot of people start the path way to drug addiction as we all know, because their friends do it or because someone they admire does it. I will admit I started using drugs because I thought it would make me look cool. I wanted to fit in so badly somewhere because I never fit in in high school. Kids do stupid things we all know this but it rarely gets pointed out until someone gets hurt or even worse, dies.
The media puts a huge strain on mostly girls to stay looking young and being skinny. Some girls are naturally small but for others, the dieting and exercise isn't enough. We all know that drugs like meth and cocaine can make you lose a lot of weight fast so desperate kids and even adults will gobble them up desperate to be skinny so they will be noticed. At least that is what their mind tells them.
I read a story about an overweight 17 year old girl who's boyfriend broke up with her for a girl that was half her weight. When she asked why, he told her he didn't like "fat" girls and she needed to look like a model if she wanted him back. She was heart broken so in a desperate attempt to get skinny she found a drug dealer and bought meth. She started binge drinking to where she would throw up a lot. But she was doing meth any time she could afford it. Her parents were always at work and rarely saw her. One day they noticed she had lost a lot of weight and needed clothes that fit. She had dropped 50 pounds. She had been telling them she joined a gym and was spending her allowance on the membership. She had went up to the boy and he noticed her and then told her he liked her body now but she had got ugly so he didn't want her back. She went home that day and purposely overdosed on pills and alcohol. Her parents came home early to take her out and found her dead on the bathroom floor. It was her birthday.
Peer pressure can force people to do things that are wrong, that are harmful, and deadly. Some of us have the power to overcome it, some don't. Any person who is going to tell you you are not good enough for them or tells you you will only be cool if you do drugs or drink, is not a person who you should admire. I know sometimes it is hard not to follow them if you truly like someone but you have to think about the consequences. maybe you will become popular for a minute, maybe you will lose weight, maybe you will make a so called friend, but is it really worth your health, or even better, your life?

Co-dependence Along with Addiction

So I am going off the usual track on this subject. I usually don't rant about codependancy but this morning a came across a blog on Twitter from an addiction group that follows me. They retweeted a blog from a blogger that speaks about alcoholism and codependancy. It was surprising to see if only because I nonpersonally know this person and I usually wouldn't talk about her but this is something I read over and over and I feel it is time for my own opinion on the subject. She was pretty much gloating about the fact that she is independent and no longer needs a man to keep her 'on her feet.' She says, guys ask her why she is single and says she is crazy for it.. she raves about how she doesn't need a man and how she is so much better without one and so on. She says she is miss independent because she is single. Well, if you are single living alone, you HAVE to be independent.  It isn't a life style, its an obligation. But being single or with someone doesn't justify if one is independent or codependant.
Yeah when I was with my ex I couldn't wait to be single. I wanted nothing more than to have the fun single do what I want life...but that didn't happen and I am not complaining.  I met my husband and couldn't be happier. I honestly don't enjoy being alone. I feel SOME women say they don't want or need a man because they have had numerous failed relationships and are trying to feel good about it. They cover up their sadness by filling their time fully from dawn til dusk, they adopt trying to be a social butterfly and become a closet do gooder trying to reach out to anyone and everyone who will give them time of day. That right their does not say, 'I am happy being alone.'
Codependancy as I had it in my past was difficult.  I WAS by no choice a codependant. I wasnt permitted to work so I couldn't just leave and be ok. I was forced to be stuck there, therefore the depression was high and I did a lot of drugs to try and blot out the misery.
When I met my husband now I had no intention on staying in his life. He was my outlet from my depression and drug addiction.  I was a codependant to him. Then I got a job and got on my feet. I could have run around, got my own place, been single, and become that girl mentioned above, but that doesn't make up my personality. I enjoy being with my husband. I like having someone to hold every day. But I am still a strong independent woman no matter what. I am independent because I have a career, I have a serious hobby writing books and blogs, I keep a home clean and cook because I WANT to, not because I have to. I do these things because I want to not because I have to, to get by. I contribute to my relationship,  I care for my family even if my kids are on the other side of the country. I am responsible,  I am independent. 
Being a codependant does not make you weak like stated in a lot about what I read from these blogs. Being single and living on your own isn't what makes you strong. What you do for yourself, what you do for others, how you contribute to society is what makes you a strong independent vibrant person. So stop putting a stigma on people and just focus on yourself and what you need to be, who you want to be!
I don't like hearing woman say, I don't need a man to take care of me. It isn't untrue or misleading.  Any woman can be single strong and independent for sure. But it is the ones who stereotype and gloat about it but then complain about having no one makes you sound bad.

Addiction Associated with Depression

Today I find myself sickened with a severe case of the sad stuff, depression. I have had a very rough past month with unexpected medical bills that were NOT supposed to be there. Unfortunately, my doctors office did not keep up with my insurance and I got hit hard with a big bill I cannot afford. Next I am in the market for a new car and I get a way lower loan than I got the last time, making it practically unreachable to get the car I wanted, then I get slapped in the face with a wage garnishment notification for something I still have no idea what for. All I know is I never ever got a bill for the amount ever, no phone call, no bill, now my wages being garnished? ? Wow! Then, as you know I have written a book that I am trying to get picked up by an agent. I have already received nearly 10 rejections :, (. Then this morning my ex texts me at 4am asking if i can send him MORE money, in addition to the 300$ I will send him this week for child support, saying the kids need clothes. I am sending 300$ buy clothes with that! He continues with excuses on where that money goes. I offer to buy clothes and mail them, I get no response for acceptance of that. Frustrating!
I know these are first world problems on a scale of things that are way more stressful and difficult than my problems, but for me, these are extreme.
Up until only a few years ago, I would have drowned my sorrow and ignored my problems and gave up on my book, bought the cheap car I didn't like, quit my job and avoided the garnishment. ..all because I was fueling my body with drugs. I would just take this as an excuse to go get high, to forget and feel better. I would use drugs as an excuse to ignore my problems, letting them bite me on the ass later.
So many people take up drugs use or alcohol when times become more stressful like mine is now. They find is as an outlet and basically give up on being human not understanding bad things happen every now and then, and as long as we try, we will get through. It is harder and more difficult as my road ahead requires more effort from me, working hard for less pay for the next few months, going through my book over and over and resubmitting over and over. Looking and waiting til I find that ideal car. But I won't turn to drugs for my outlet. I have no interest in that path anymore, Thankfully or my problems with only get worse.
I know times are tough and stress and anxiety make people do bad things in order to escape or cover up their problems.  But the faster you accept them and work through them, the better things will get down the road. On drugs, there is no end, your buried problems will only resurface and it will be ten times worse when they do. Remember,  there is always help for those who need it.

Recovery: The Aftermath

When you first start to recover from drug addiction, as you already know, will not be a walk in the park. Your body will go through a lot of spells of pain, weakness, energy bursts. You will experience mood swings like no other, you will feel like it isn't worth it. Just remember the 'why' in the whole recovery process and you will automatically start to feel accomplished.
The mental strain can have mixed effects on yourself and your family. For the first few days you will feel sick, depressed,  tired, and angry. Give yourself some time to be alone. Get some sleep, your body is a much stronger fighter internally when you are at rest.
Avoid going out with friends for a while, you do not need influence.
Once you have rested up, start exercising. Your body needs to start over. New cells, new blood circulation, kick start that metabolism and immune system. It will be hard at first but you body will thank you and you will have energy and feel good inside.
Start a new diet. I don't mean your typical weight watchers, nutri system, etc. I mean your DIET. The food you eat everyday. Start eating fruit and veggies with meals, avoid greasy stuff for a while. A recovering body will not accept greasy good. It will bog you down. Flush out the gunk in your system by drinking a lot of water and natural juices.
When you feel moods shifting for the worst, if you can, go take a nap. If you can't, sit down and write your feelings down. When you finish, read over it then regroup and see if you are still upset. If you are, then try going for a walk or a drive.
Everyone's case may be different but these are some personal things I have done and tried. I was going through a divorce in which it involved juggling my two kids and a lot of stress. I found myself not eating, juggling work, and crying a whole heck of a lot. (Which also helps) after about a year I took on going to the gym and a job promotion which added to my recovery process. After nearly 3 years of being off the stuff I finally don't have urges. It took all of about a year after I quit to be able to think about drugs as a BAD thing.
If you need help recovering please feel free to ask for help. I can guide you onto a path that works for you. I can give you tools and strength as best as I can. But also look for hope in recovery through other outlets. Find that influence and start being a new you!

How Can You Help Yourself

I know anyone who has tried to overcome addiction of any kind may have researched preventive steps they can take to achieve their goals. I myself found it easier to uproot my life and start over clean slate. That isn't as easy for everyone but for those of you who may be in an abusive relationship or with someone who doesn't support you in your efforts like I was, it doesn't matter how much you love them, it doesn't matter if kids are involved,  you need to leave. Easier said than done I am sure. But honestly you will feel better in the long run.
Other ways to prevent addiction or stop drug abuse is to remove the influence in your life. Stay away from the supplier, I don't care if they are you best friend, your brother, cousin, whatever.  They are not doing anything good for you.

Seek help. Go see a councillor,  a minister, go to meetings, most of this is free but if you have the money for drugs, you can afford to seek the right kind of help.

Take yourself to the doctor.  They will not judge you but he or she can help you in the recovery. They can give you monitored medication to revive your body so the withdrawals aren't completely terrible. 

Get a hobby. For me, I got a good job, then started writing. For instance this blog. I have also wrote a thriller novel. Finding things to fill your time is important. It doesn't have to cost money.  Writing is free!

Reinvent yourself. Go get a new hairdo, buy some new clothes if you can. Throw out all the stuff you wore when you stayed high. It helps psychologically letting go of your old self.

Take a class. Take some social classes such as cooking or painting.  Its cheap on Groupon and it will give you the social skills you need to open up. It also will help you find new friends.

Everything I have done to start over was easier said than done. It was actually quit complex. I left my ex husband and moved 80mi away from him as well as away from anyone I knew that sold drugs. I started a job which after 2 years I am still with thanks to my sobriety. I took up a few hobbies. My husband and I keep fish. We are always buying new ones and learning about them. I also am a writer as you know. I am also starting to take painting classes with people from work. I have fixed my teeth from all the major damage meth did to them. I was in bad oral health, severe bleeding,  abscesses, they were falling out. I have been taking care of my body and going to the gym several days a week. I care about my appearance now, and I avoid hanging out with anyone who is a drug addict unless they come to me seeking advise.

I have spent the past 2 years starting over. It has been a long road and although I am clean, the past is still damaging and i mentally struggle often. Remember, there is always help, there is always a way, seek it and be a better you!

The Will to Overcome Addiction

Having the capability to overcome addiction takes a lot of, well everything. I know, we have all heard the whole speech about having willpower right? I know I have been told many times, I do not have the willpower, that I will say I will do something, but never follow through. I never actually wanted to do drugs the way I used to. I can't sit here and say I never actually wanted to do them period, that would be a lie. There were many times while in my 20's I would get really sick or end up in the hospital being severely dehydrated, or have abscesses, or kidney stones, boy did I have a lot of those due to my failing health from the results of drugs, but there were multiple occasions I would come home and say, "Okay I am done, no more, and I don't want to see it in this house, because if I do, then I will do it." Did that speech ever work? Nope, not once. I would get the whole, "Okay no more" but that would make it about a good fat solid week before someone would start saying, "I want some of this or that, just this one last time." I would always say no, but then they would just show up with it anyways and blame their friends for bringing it over.I did not have the willpower to just step back and walk away from it. I saw it, I had to have it too. I can't tell you how many times when I was pregnant with both of my boys that I would turn into a rage monster because there would be drugs around I couldn't have. It's not that I was upset they were there, but I was mad I couldn't have them too...jealous. Drug addiction especially to cocaine and meth does things to one's brain, takes control, won't let go of you until it is too late. My issue with the drug was allowing myself to be controlled. I have a hard time seeing myself now allowing anyone or anything control me. In my 20's I didn't have a voice, figuratively. I had such terrible self esteem and hated myself so much that I would never stand up for myself. I allowed my self to be pushed around, and on drugs, I was pushed into doing a lot of shameful things I am not proud of. Drugs turned me into a sad, angry, lonely child who would sit in the corner and cry rather than take a stand. Once I freed myself from drugs in June 2011, I started gaining courage. I started connecting with the world via internet. I would go on dating sites, not to actually do anything BAD, but to meet people, start feeling good about myself, gain confidence, and become social. I never actually made the efforts to meet up with people, just because it made me nervous. But when I met my now husband, yes from a dating site, he showed up unexpected in the town I lived in. I told him no when he asked for me to meet him. He started to go on his way but something inside me said, get your butt dressed and go!. I was so depressed with life, I rarely got dressed. I would stay in my pajamas, never put on makeup or fix my hair unless I was going somewhere, which I rarely did. I rushed into the bathroom, piling on makeup and straightening my hair. I probably looked terrible when I met him, but I did it. If I was on drugs, I never would have. I would have told him no, deleted my profile, blocked his phone number, and hit back in my corner. If I was on drugs, I would never have started this blog. I would have never wrote a book, I would never have started my career, I would still be severely depressed, hating my now ex husband, keeping myself alive only for my kids sake like I did before. I quit drugs to save my own life. I quit drugs to find myself, to overcome the pain and suffering, to regain my health. Although, I did lose my kids in the divorce, and that is the pain I feel everyday, my life has meaning now. I get out of bed, I don't lay there for hours like I did before with earphones in my head blocking out the world. I get up and go to work everyday, instead of calling in at least one or twice a week because I stayed up all night high. I get dressed every morning, even on the weekends, I get dressed, fix my hair, put on makeup, instead of being a total disaster area. I love and care about my husband, instead of hating and despising the sight and feeling dread at the thought of him coming home from work like I did before. Overall I just feel better, I look better, I even smell better, haha! I found the will , I found a way, I found the strength. So can you!

A Brand New Today: Without Depending on Where to Get the Next Fix

I remember when getting through the work day used to be horrifying for me. I remember when just the task of crawling out of bed after tossing and turning all night, getting no sleep at all but having to try because getting ready to go to work at 5am every morning was a have to thing. I used to stay up until 1-2am getting high on coke then there waa a point where it didn't really phase me anymore so I would try and go to bed amd "rest" which was never restful. My muscles were always tense, I would get bad indigestion, and I would constantly toss and turn for hours. Then when the sun started to peak I would damn near ball my eyes out knowing now I had to go work, and at that time I worked in the oil field. It wasn't a simple behind a desk job where I could pretend to function. I would become all panicky them show up at work trying to pretend I was too sick and maybe they'd send me home..nope! It was a long 10-12 hours in the hot sun outside. I would sneak off into the Port o potty to fix myself up with another dose but it would barely get me through 2 hours I was so bombed out. Fortunately for me half the guys I worked with were in that same boat so we watched out gor one another but then there was the ones who weren't and they weren't so nice, especially to the only girl on an all men team.
After being sober for the last 2 1/2 years I still dread work some days but I have a much easier time. I sleep restfully, I no longer have panic attacks going out into public, I feel better, I am healthy, I have held down a job with the same company for the last 2 years which is the longest I have ever had any single job. It was my birthday when I realized I was ready to quit and meant it. Especially when my now ex husband didnt even get me a gift, he got me drugs.. and his friend gave me drugs. That was my bday gift. I was not happy.
Being dependent on drugs to get you through the day has devastating results. I watched my ex get fired from multiple high paying jobs because he couldn't pass a drug test. Once that happens, word starts spreading. I too have quit and been fired from many jobs due to drugs. Quit because I was too messed up to show up so I would just not ever go back and stay home getting high.. Fired because I had no judgement on how to be a good employee. I would wonder around the store aimlessly for hours instead of working. I would convince co workers to sneak off with me for hours at a time. It was all on camera of course but I was too dumbed up to know better. Drugs are a good example of why I ur prisons are so full. They take you to desperate places, convince you to do bad things, make wrong decisions.  There was a story the other day here in Oklahoma of a man that bashed in his wife's head repeatedly because she wouldn't let home play video games. He was high on drugs amd she died. She was pregnant.  Is that what you want your legacy to become?