A Brand New Today: Without Depending on Where to Get the Next Fix

I remember when getting through the work day used to be horrifying for me. I remember when just the task of crawling out of bed after tossing and turning all night, getting no sleep at all but having to try because getting ready to go to work at 5am every morning was a have to thing. I used to stay up until 1-2am getting high on coke then there waa a point where it didn't really phase me anymore so I would try and go to bed amd "rest" which was never restful. My muscles were always tense, I would get bad indigestion, and I would constantly toss and turn for hours. Then when the sun started to peak I would damn near ball my eyes out knowing now I had to go work, and at that time I worked in the oil field. It wasn't a simple behind a desk job where I could pretend to function. I would become all panicky them show up at work trying to pretend I was too sick and maybe they'd send me home..nope! It was a long 10-12 hours in the hot sun outside. I would sneak off into the Port o potty to fix myself up with another dose but it would barely get me through 2 hours I was so bombed out. Fortunately for me half the guys I worked with were in that same boat so we watched out gor one another but then there was the ones who weren't and they weren't so nice, especially to the only girl on an all men team.
After being sober for the last 2 1/2 years I still dread work some days but I have a much easier time. I sleep restfully, I no longer have panic attacks going out into public, I feel better, I am healthy, I have held down a job with the same company for the last 2 years which is the longest I have ever had any single job. It was my birthday when I realized I was ready to quit and meant it. Especially when my now ex husband didnt even get me a gift, he got me drugs.. and his friend gave me drugs. That was my bday gift. I was not happy.
Being dependent on drugs to get you through the day has devastating results. I watched my ex get fired from multiple high paying jobs because he couldn't pass a drug test. Once that happens, word starts spreading. I too have quit and been fired from many jobs due to drugs. Quit because I was too messed up to show up so I would just not ever go back and stay home getting high.. Fired because I had no judgement on how to be a good employee. I would wonder around the store aimlessly for hours instead of working. I would convince co workers to sneak off with me for hours at a time. It was all on camera of course but I was too dumbed up to know better. Drugs are a good example of why I ur prisons are so full. They take you to desperate places, convince you to do bad things, make wrong decisions.  There was a story the other day here in Oklahoma of a man that bashed in his wife's head repeatedly because she wouldn't let home play video games. He was high on drugs amd she died. She was pregnant.  Is that what you want your legacy to become?