What Motivates You? To do and not to do drugs

So what is it that made you start using drugs? Some use do to depression, anger, to escape pain...and others do it for popularity, pleasure, pressure... For me, it was all of the above. When I first started using drugs in high school, I did it because I was curious, and that was the only time I did it for a year. When I was 17, I met a boy and he used drugs. I liked this boy a lot and wanted to make sure he thought I was ultimately cool. I didn't have many friends in high school and not very many boys paid attention to me unless it was to pick on me. When he showed interest, I was willing to do whatever it took to keep his attention. I used drugs for his attention.

When I was 18, I changed. I became, the popular girl. I was thin, beautiful, and fun. I partied damn near daily and whenever drugs were involved, and they usually were, I was right there. I did it for pleasure because to me at that time, it was fun to be high. But soon after, I started using to mask the pain and depression I had everyday. I was homeless and I used drugs and attention to hide from the anger and stress I felt everyday. 

When I was 19 I met my ex husband and he was the beginning of my meth journey. Once again, I did it for attention. From there on I was hooked. I spent my entire 20's staying in a state of stupor. I started out not being able to keep a job to being forced to quit every job because my ex didn't trust me at all. I somehow managed to raise two perfect little boys in all my ignorance. It was because of drugs and alcohol I nearly lost my life, multiple times. Only one of those time was at my own hands, the rest was at someone else's. 

At the age of 29, I was motivated to become a better person. I had finally finished college after throwing away a year of studies and graduating because I failed a drug test. I had to start over again and I graduated finally because I was determined to right my life. I wanted my kids to have the best life they could. That is why I left my ex and moved away from that town and started completely new with a clean slate. Then, after becoming sober and trying to climb back on my feet, my alcoholic drug addict ex husband lied his way through court and I lost the kids in the divorce. To this day I can never understand how a legal system would give a man convicted of alcoholism custody of two children over a woman who has no record or trace on record of drug or alcohol abuse. They didn't know who I used to be. It was a terrible day.

Still to this day I am motivated by my new husband, my job, my writing, my audience, and myself, not to be an addict, not to fall back into that life I ran away from, that I gave up everything in the world to escape from. So what is it that brought you into that life, and what are you going to do to escape it?