Recovery in the beginning

Everyone is different in the recovery process. It all depends on how you help yourself. I never went to meetings or had a mentor.. I just walked away from it, walked away from the influence, and walked away from my entire known life. Yes I was terrified. I had no idea what was going to happen the next day, a week, a month later. I don't know how many times I changed my mind before I actually left..probably a hundred times. My first day I cried and cried. Heck I think my first week I cried and cried, my first month I was beyond stressed out. My ex husband went and filed for divorce behind my back after he said he would wait until I had a job and could help myself, he lied. I lost my transportation,  I lost my kids. . I had every reason to start using again. I was done, broken, angry, and defeated. I hung on though. Over the next few months my vulnerability was tested and I thought I had made a giant mistake and at that point I was screwed. Once again, I hung on. After the first year things got easier but my vulnerability turned trust was tested and pushed. I no longer wanted drugs but the reality of the other things I dealt with while on drugs were what lingered. I thought there was no hope for happiness in the world and once again I was depressed, hurt, and angry. It was only a matter of time before I slipped and fidelity something bad or killed myself. I hung on though.  After the 2nd year things began to smooth over. I started seeing changes in myself and another. The road was still curvy and rocky and we had a way to go before it got better. All in all things were easier. I was finding what made me happy again. Now just shy of the 3rd year I feel like being whole is actually an option.  Yes things bother me still, yes there are still problems,  mostly from two very irritating outside sources playing stupid games, but that is life. I feel a shred of trust again. I feel like I have come so far that drugs are the last and most far options I ever would consider to solve my pain. Time will go on and it will be bad and good. I don't expect perfection. I feel when I write I become more and more powerful and less weighed down. It is a process and we all have to take the first step sometime.